The Worst is Over... or so they say...

The last week or so has been a whirlwind of chaos and big changes. Good changes, though.

So I mentioned that I was joining one of those weight management services, right? Well I did (and have forked out a ton of $$, dammit!) and am on my 3rd day so far. I decided to do this program because after years of trying to lose weight, I just couldn't make any headway on my own. I figured if I paid someone else to help me, they would be obligated to make sure I'm losing weight (i.e. put all their medical minds together to figure out what is wrong if I DON'T lose weight) and I would feel more inclined to stick to the diet exactly. I suspect that it's pretty pretty normal, but when I know that someone else is monitoring my weightloss and I have to weigh-in in front of them on a weekly basis, I stick to my diet EXACTLY because I don't want to seem like a failure and, in a weird way, I don't want to disappoint them (even though it's a complete stranger?!). I think that's why Weight Watchers meetings are so successful.

But, I digress.

Once I decided I was going to do this weight management program (Smart for Life - or just SFL hereafter), I did something that I haven't done in a LONG time. I totally pigged out and stuffed my face with any and everything in sight for like a week and a half. Wow, you would think after 10 straight weeks of eating right and exercising regularly that I would just keep doing what I'm doing and then transition right into the new program. No, I completely went off the bandwagon and started eating all the 'bad' things that I knew I wasn't going to be able to have on the SFL program. I had Chic-fil-A, restaruant burgers and fries, Einstein's bagels and schmear, korean food, chicken teriyaki (w/ white rice!!), pasta, appetizers, fajitas, brats, etc! Seriously, I went a little overboard. On top of that, I had given up sweets (cookies, cake, candy, etc) for Lent and decided that I was going to go to TOWN on sweets on Easter because SFL started the next day and I would not be allowed to have any sweets on the program. So yeah, I inhaled chocolate chip cookies and a brownie (for breakfast), 2 Reese's peanut butter eggs, apple pie a la mode AND I was going to have ice cream from Coldstone or Dairy Queen but they were CLOSED at 7pm on Easter Sunday. Bastardos!!

*sigh*

For my initial appointment to fill out paperwork, take blood, learn about the program and have my EKG done, I weighed in at 209 lbs (and 43.2% body fat!!!!!). For my second appointment, where I met with the doctor to go over the aforementioned paperwork, blood work and EKG, I weighed in at a nice 208 lbs (how is that possible since I was eating like complete shite?!). That second appointment was on a Thursday and I wasn't going to be starting the program until Monday (because I couldn't start until after I was able to gorge on sweets. Sad.), so I proceeded to pull out all the stops and eat like an oinker all weekend. Well, after the horrendous 4 day binge on crap food and sweets, I was ready to start the program so I decided to weigh-in at home to give myself a starting point. Umm, the scale said 215 lbs. OMG, I seriously gained 7 lbs in 4 days?? Does that tell you much about how shite I was eating those 4 days? I was NOT exaggerating when I said I went on a 4-day binge. I know some of it was water weight and some of it was just the sheer mass of food I had eaten that had not yet been 'eliminated' but, Good God, 7 lbs??

*double sigh*

That's really disappointing because I haven't had an episode like that for a LONG time. I've been trying so hard the last few years to lose weight, that it really began to turn into my lifestyle instead of a temporary weight loss program. I had begun to prefer healthier foods and had come to the epiphany that some of the junk food that I remember so fondly just don't really taste as good as I remember. I've been reading tons of books on health and nutrition and was actively trying to alter my diet to be more natural, whole and jam packed with the right vitamins and nutrients necessary for my body. I had cut out all sugar and 'white' carbs, tried to eliminate as many processed foods as possible, was trying to steer clear of artificial sweeteners (well basically anything aritificial), was cutting back on beef and pork as much as my hubby would tolerate, etc. These were all positive changes and it seems like I went into a craze and threw all that out the window.

Seriously, how does food have that kind of hold on me? I went ballistic with my eating, as if I was never going to be able to eat again. I never want to do that again.

As far as the SFL programs goes, I was STARVING the first day. My stomach was in a constant state of grumbling. I was in a bad mood and could not, for the life of me, figure out how anyone could stick to this diet for any extended period of time. I thought I was going to die from starvation! Any food I encountered smelled heavenly and I began craving things that I wouldn't normally crave. I think it was a mental thing, that since I knew I couldn't have anything, I wanted everything! Also, by the end of the day, the cookies started tasting gross to me (but I think that was a mental thing as well). I felt really tired and had no energy all that day. It was craziness, but I got through it.

Now, it's the beginning of day 3. The stomach grumblings have subsided and I don't feel like I'm starving all the time. I eat the cookie when I get hungry and it's because almost the easier thing to do than to have to find something to eat. Other foods are no longer tempting me and I'm seeing results on the scale. After Monday's depressing weigh-in, Tuesday showed a little more promise with a weigh-in of 211.5 lbs. Today, I am back at 208 lbs - nice! That means I'm moving into virgin weight loss territory. In all my years of dieting, the lowest I have ever gotten to was 202.5 lbs back when I was doing the Fat Smash Diet before my wedding. The immediate goal that I've been trying to reach for 2 years is to get under 200 lbs. The next milestone is getting to 196 lbs because that would make me merely 'overweight' and no longer 'obese'. Rock on!

My sister's wedding is in less than 3 months and I'd really like to be at about 180 lbs by then, but I'll take no longer being 'obese'. Hopefully I can stick to this diet perfectly and shed these pounds in the fastest way possible so I can end my years of suffering (forever being on a diet and never losing any weight!!). I have high hopes for this program and hope that my dreams come into fruition this year.

One day at a time...