Trying to stay above water...

For some reason, today was a REALLY hard today. It started off on the wrong foot because I didn't make it to the gym. Man, it seems like I can never get all my shit done over the weekend, so things spill over into Mondays. I didn't get all my laundry done, so I had to scramble for clothes to wear (to the gym and to work) and then I forgot that I totally needed to go into work early today to make up some time since I'm going on vacation next week. I had my gym bag packed and everything, but had to ditch it at the last minute to go to work. =\

That's where it all started, but that's no where near the end. For breakfast, I just couldn't bring myself to have my protein shake and banana. I think not going to the gym just threw me off my routine. I decided to do something quick and tasty and have some of my hubby's cereal. I got to work and logged that breakfast - 615 calories! OMG OMG OMG, granted it was a BIG bowl of cereal, but 615 calories? That's like half my allotment for the day!

I skipped my morning snack to try to make up for that, but started getting SO HELLACIOUSLY hungry by lunchtime that I thought I was going to pass out. Seriously, my body has issues with sugar and carbs I think. How did that HUGE bowl of cereal not tide me over for more than 3 hours? I could have eaten a tiny bowl of oatmeal and had it tide me over longer than that bowl of cereal. That just goes to show you how quickly sugar affects your blood sugar and how little it does for your appetite.

Lunch was on point, but then all afternoon I was just dreaming about food. I was craving all kinds of things that would not normally cross my mind - chips, fast food, candy, cookies, etc. I don't know WHAT got into me (maybe lingering affects from the sugary breakfast cereal?), but I just could not get those cravings out of my head. They were driving me crazy!

I had to work my second job tonight, so I had to eat dinner on the go. I brought a grilled chicken wrap, but planned on forgoing it for a protein shake to try to salvage some calories from my horrendous breakfast that morning. By the time 5 o'clock rolled around, I was STARVING again. I just couldn't imagine that the protein shake would hold me over, so I went for the wrap. Disappointingly, the wrap just did not hit the spot and it just didn't taste all that great to me in general. I should have just had the protein shake dammit! When I eat something that disappoints me, then it's almost as if I haven't eaten anything at all. Like, if I went to Taco Bell and ordered a burrito that tasted like crap to me, I would not be satisfied until I went back and ordered something I knew tasted good, like a Mexican Pizza or something (even though I wasn't even hungry). Yeah, I'm weird like that. SO, after eating that wrap, I was still 'hungry' and wanting to eat something ALL night because my dinner was so disappointing.

When I got home, I just could NOT take it anymore and dove into the baked cheetos. That didn't really hit the spot, so I tried eating some grits (to fill me up on LOW cals). Um yeah, as you probalby could have guessed, that didn't hit the spot either. I finally broke down and had a sugar free pudding to satiate the sweet tooth I had been having all day and that seemed to help. I still feel like I wasn't satisfied in my food today and could stand to eat something yummy before I go to bed, but I think I've done enough damage for today. I logged every morsel into MyFoodDiary and it wasn't pretty at all.

Whatever, the day's over and tomorrow is a new day. I'm more prepared because I know I have to go to work early (hence, I need to go to the gym early) and my food is all planned out and ready to go. That day just started out wrong and went downhill from there. Tomorrow will be a better day.

On that note, why doesn't my motivation last longer? It's only week 3 and my motivation is already lagging. I don't feel as strongly about resisting temptation on the weekend and forcing myself to go to the gym. It seems like I can go hardcore for a few weeks and, even though I'm seeing results, just can't sustain it for the long haul. I hope this stint of determination isn't over yet, though. I'll hop back on the bandwagon and ride this thing out as long as I can.

Wish me luck!